Friday, 27 May 2016

10 Things I've Learned As A New Daddy This Week (Part 13)

1. Using the baby change facilities when theres a queue makes you feel like you're participating in The Crystal Maze. Weirdly enough, if your baby is still bald its like you're changing Richard O'Brien!

2. Dad's who don't, or wont, change nappies are totally letting the side down. I've witnessed this first hand... "No, the mother will do it."  Man up! Its the *Year Of The Dad*, didn't you know?! Play the game! (See bottom of page for more information.)

3. Mara is only 4 months old, yet I can't remember the time before she got here. It's as if she's always been around.

4. Wiping the arse of a wriggling baby should be an Olympic sport. Rio 2016 anyone?
The older they get, the more fidgety they become and you have to come up with new and inventive ways to keep them still.

5. It takes about 2 hours to tidy our house to something resembling acceptable and roughly 43 seconds for all the hard work to come undone. Visitors, don't be expecting much.
And don't be surprised if I ask you to give the place a once over with the Hoover while you're here!
Sometimes I think we shouldn't even bother cleaning the house until Mara goes to Uni! (If she wants to anyway!)

6. Our washing machine is worked harder than the factory workers who supply Primark.

7. Having a large, hot latte and a muffin every day for 5 weeks while your baby is in SCBU will make you fat. True story. Slimming World and Pure Gym, my big arse is in your hands!

8. On that note, a hot cup of coffee is something I used to drink. It's lukewarm  if I'm really lucky these days.

9. A human baby can fart louder than an RAF Typhoon flying overhead. I swear Mara dropped one so ungodly the other day I thought our drinks were going to start shaking like that scene out of Jurassic Park with the T-Rex.

10. I love my little family more than anything in the world.
 I'd love my daughter a little bit more if she would stop emptying her arse on my legs.






** Year Of The Dad is a year of activity focused on embracing the potential of fathers and father figures, promoting their importance in child development and supporting the to be the dads they want to be. "Here's to the giants among men."
Click the highlighted link to find out more.

Friday, 20 May 2016

10 Things I've Learned As A New Daddy This Week (Part 12)

**WARNING**  - This one is quite sick heavy!

1. When I'm drying her off with her hoody towel after bath time, Mara looks as if she's being inducted into the K... Well you get the idea!

2. Bath time has become something she loves now, especially getting jugs of water poured on her tummy (Weirdo!) However, I would enjoy giving her a bath much more if she stopped spewing in it half way through!

3. Date night used to be a nice meal in Pizza Express followed by a trip to the cinema if we were lucky. Now, it's leaving Mara with Gran & Papa G while we grudgingly drag ourselves off to the gym for an hour. How times have changed.

4. Having spent my younger years working behind a bar and cleaning up the aftermath of people who can't hold their liquor, you'd think I'd be able to clean up projectile vomit at 6 in the morning...

Wrong.

This one caught me off guard and I ended up sitting in a puddle of sick for 20 minutes in case there was any aftermath. She took out the Sky remote, my laptop, the sofa and my ass.

5. At 14 weeks old, I've taught our daughter how to stick her tongue out! I'll probably regret it, but it's funny for now!

6. Also, at 14 weeks old, we think Mara is in the process of cutting teeth (WTF?!) She's dribbling worse than Caroline does whenever Chris Hemsworth is on the TV.
(No, I'm not getting a complex...!)

7. My daughter owes me a pair of slippers (don't judge me, I'm almost 32, comfortable footwear is the way forward!)  In another vom related incident she pulled a proper John Virgo Trick Shot and destroyed my slippers... Which were under our bed! She's got a better aim than Hawkeye off of the Avengers!

8. Tummy time needs a bit of work!
This was 5 minutes in and she slept for nearly half an hour!

9. Sleepyheads are THE best baby bed ever! Mara is usually asleep within minutes of being placed in hers and I would thoroughly recommend it to expecting parents or those with restless babies! It also means that us parents trying to deal with a lack of sleep can get some well deserved shut eye!
Keren, Stephen & Joshua - thanks for the heads up!

10. Despite all of the barf bombs being thrown our way, I wouldn't change a thing. She's growing up too quickly!


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