2. Mara is desperately trying to climb into the bunny condo we built for Elvis. I'm convinced she's actually part goat.
3. It takes longer to get the toys out of the bath than it does to fill it.
4. Swings are dangerous.
5. If I was only to eat the food Mara refused to, I'd still be a fat bastard.
6. All those happy toddlers enjoying their food in books and on TV are CGI, right?!
7. Toddlers never run out of fresh new ways to twat their head off of things. Mara is at the " I want to try walking, but I'm not letting go of the sofa to walk 3 steps towards you" stage and keeps falling down and skelping anything in a 10 foot radius.
8. The first time you discover your toddler can climb the stairs is utterly TERRIFYING. Where did she even learn to do that? Its not like Elvis showed her, he's getting old now so rarely drags his furry ass off his big cushion to do anything other than eat!
9. I don't care how strong you think you are, when a baby doesn't want to get dressed they develop some kind of inhuman strength.
10. DADS, it's not called "babysitting" if it's YOUR child!